And so the time has come

Autumn is here
And so the time has come
For the roller coaster ride

Tell me
Will it always be like this? When the leaves start to fall
When the sky decided to go back and forth
Between cloudy, rainy or windy
Will it stay permanent?

Tell me
Why autumn has become my love and my hatred
Perhaps it is because I was born in Fall

That is when the leaves start to fall
And so does my emotional well being

How long will it last?
A moment where counting nights of anxiety attack has been taking over
Which I will never be ready

For when the time has finally come
When I start to hurt myself again
When I start to hate myself again
When I start to blame myself again

As a finale
I should have died years ago